i wrote on my last night in singapore

i wrote on my last night in singapore - something i hadnt done for some time - wondering why i was talking as if i were never returning. i hope so; the past three-odd lay-about months have been slow, agonising, frustrating, it's a miracle i survived the ordeal. where do i even begin penning the things in my mind then? i wished i would just go, start a new life, and never look back. but who knows? eternity in an hour, william blake once said. there i sat by my desk, in that room that'd grown familiar over the last four years, and gazed out of my window with an armload of thouthgs. despite the metal grilles and wooden slats blocking the view, despite the rows of north korean-ish, utilitarian-brutish rows of flats, despite the never-ending whirr of expressway traffic that never ceased to irritate, i'd surprisingly managed to complete quite a bit of work proper the years i sat there. and i wondered, as i looked out into the empty night, if that was it - the night i'd been waiting for. but what, actually, is the day i've been waiting for? is today my new beginning - or yet one another - or tomorrow, when i'd be at a different land, writing in another place, looking out to a different view, outside and below, a different traffic?

Time present and time past
Are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
If all time is eternally present
All time is unredeemable.-- four quartets, t.s. eliot
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and i'm very touched by the students who turned up at the airport, and of course, i'm grateful to friends and family, without whom. i'll share some pics:


in the cab, on the way to the airport. these cranes'd be gone the next time i pass by. is this all singapore is about - building and demolishing, and still building? i want to love this country, but what can i love, if the present is forever vanishing?


there's samuel on my right, who put in quite an effort to organise the airport excursion


tis' aixin - despite being a cute little girl, she can wail like a siren. it's a compliment of course :)


the sec 3s. to think that when i first walked into their classes they were little sec 1 kids.


the 3p3 boys (once a 3, always a 3 la)


plus the 3p girls


dragonboy #1 - he practises his dragonboat by standing on his classroom desk and clapping out a rhythm to english poetry


dragonboy #2 - he absolutely detests people who litter in class (because he detests picking up those litter even more)


dragonboy #3 - he's the sole inventor of the Darken Your Skin for Whiter-looking Teeth dental regime


dragonboy #4 - if you ever lend him a dvd, make sure to activate the loansharks. otherwise, he's one of the most lovable kids around :)


this one robo-boy - he's the first student to ever tell me in my face during a lesson, "wah lao so boring sia..." of course, it was the screening of the movie Dead Poets Society


bertybert - an old old school friend


pingping - otherwise known as the Guardian of My Books, Fellow Wintersonian, and Eternal Fayenatic


mr fadz - this guy would burn a planet to help a friend in need, what more can i say?


looking like some HK celebrity just arrived


ah, there he is... the latest photo scandal


the 8-hour flight flew by like nothing. my most pleasant ever (qantas is a greater way to fly!). this otherwise innocuous signboard appeared in front of my eyes like a dream


my room for now, i'm trying to do it up a bit so that soon it'd start emitting my very unique smell. and i think it's ominous to have bookshelves in the room already.
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up to the point before i saw everyone at the airport, i had looked forward to sydney, to waving goodbye to all that's in singapore, and just be by myself, a stranger in a strange world. then i wasnt sure anymore - it'd be hard not to complete this trip without getting that phd. in a way, coming to see me off was conferring an expectation on me. and should i do graduate at the end of it all, i have very very much to thank my family, friends. and these students too, who gave me almost two magical years. some feelings are beyond words, indescribable, like strange, new, destinations - and these kids had brought me there. i may be in another life and time now, but i don't think i'd left that enchanted place, and perhaps, i never shall.
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you kiddos: we'll all work hard, and we'll do fabulous, and we'll all graduate.

remember carpe diem :)